Google, Apple, Stalin and my mobile phone.

There is a link, go with me on this.

All will become clear, I promise.*

Ok. I'm way behind the times (that's nothing new), and I've just discovered Knol. I have a tendency to periodically abandon the Internets for a couple of weeks at a time, usually when life gets in the way. When I come back, I'm always amazed at how much it's grown up in my absence, like a distant nephew or something. It's always coming up with new things, new ways to surprise me.

So yes, I was surprised by Knol. Mainly because I don't really understand why it exists.

I mean, I understand WHY, but not WHY why. I can see it being a useful resource to those already well versed in the concept of user-generated databases and peer-review, it'd be just like Wikipedia with credibility. But why do we need it? It's just Wikipedia with credibility. And of course, a capacity for growth and integration.

So it's Wikipedia for commercial bloggers.

See this is why Google confuse me. They see an idea and they think, "Wow, that's neat. We could do that, and make it easily accessible for EVERYONE, and free!" Then they go and design someth- Woah. it's hailing outside like baby Thor throwing an ice-cold hissy-fit.

Damn. That's the downside with windows. More to see, more to distract me. As I was saying: They see something, then in a sweep of unilateral grandiosity they make it bigger, better, all-encompassing and easy to use. Then they stuff it full of AdWords. It's this whole 'left hand makes warm woolen mittens and gives them away on the street corner while the right hand completely ignoring the entire existence of the left hand, trys to tell the world no one needs that second glove, really, you should just buy this one, it's like both gloves in one.'

For example, if you have a gMail account, get someone to send you an email that contains the words "google advertising." Low and behold, the column of ads on the sidebar is gone. It's like Anil Dash says in his article "Google and Theory of Mind." They seem to think if they put their big ol' e-hands over their eyes, no one will be able to see what they're doing because they're invisible now.

Compare Google, whose mantra is "Don't be evil," to say... Apple. The last of the true Evil companies. They work in secret, lock themselves in enclosed rooms to come up with products that exist in their own little space and don't need integration, forget how annoying that is for the rest of us, unveil it in a blinding flash of glory and tell us it's the Mechanical Messiah. And it works. Opposite sides of the spectrum. Both have completely different approaches to, well everything. Google loves peer-review, word of mouth and the Blogosphere. Apple loves Steve Jobs, white things without sharp edges, expensive ad campaigns and the Cone of Silence. Yet they both are somehow at the forefront of the social stratum. Google is a verb, and iPod is the default name for ANY mp3 player. They have both managed to create the exact mindset that Communist leaders throughout history were aiming for: "Who cares if it doesn't work so good? Isn't it awesome to be a part of it? Give ol' Uncle Joe a hug."

Which is why my new mobile phone**, when it eventually comes around, will be a clunky LG monster with Bluetooth and a spare battery. Because if I got an iPhone, I'd have to re-engineer my life a little too much for my liking.
*I have a tendency to break promises that I make a while sitting at a keyboard. Just ask ^nP0. Sure, I'll help out with your ladder match. I promise not to screw it up...**See? I told you I'd put 'em all together.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know. I'm on a google-run blog. What can I say? I'm a communist. I love free stuff that works most of the time. Who cares about my privacy?

And so it begins.

Greetings. If you have found your way to this page by accident, I sincerely apologize for wasting your time. Please, go on your way and think no more of this interruption to your ordered lives, lives that are in fact built upon a fallacy.

To whomsoever is still around after the above note, my name is Poe.

This journal is in place to serve as my record, detailing my travels in an attempt to uncover a conspiracy that I fear has been working its' way into the consciousness of the Western world. I am of course talking about the Poe Bicycle conspiracy.

I am sure you will have heard of my namesake, the so-called Master of the Macabre, Edgar Allan Poe. But what you may NOT know is that the man famed for creating many disturbing tales of the paranormal had a facet to his life that was yet darker still.

I aim to prove, through ridiculous sweeping generalisations, uncredited hearsay, fabricated sources and of course, a healthy dash of Google Image Search, that Mr. Poe dedicated a large portion of his life to attempting to derail the development of civilisation, beginning with his early attempts at the sabotage of the most popular recreational transport of the day, the bicycle. Fear not, my dear readers. For while your faint spirits quail, mine will stand strong and unwavering against my (as yet nonexistent) detractors as I lay bare the facts of this most heinous scandal.

Until next time,

WOOOOOOO! WOOOOO! WIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-Þoe